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Archive for the ‘Divorce’ Category

Making Holidays Easier on Kids After a Divorce

To say that divorce is emotionally challenging — and often maddening — is an understatement, and that’s especially true when the couple has children. To say that the holidays can exacerbate an already vexing situation is obvious.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. As a parent, one of the greatest gifts that you can give to your kids for the holidays is the ability to enjoy them in a pure and stress-free way, and there are several steps that you can take to make sure that happens. Here are some simple tips to help you keep your kids’ spirits high, despite any difficulties you may be having with your ex.

First and most importantly, put the kids’ needs ahead of your own. The whole world (advertising, movies, books) make the holidays happy, so don’t let your anger or need to ‘win’ or ‘get back at’ your ex get in the way of that happening for them. Stop and breathe before you let your own motivations get in the way of their holiday enjoyment. You can let go of things for a week or two.
You may be alone for the holiday, as many custody arrangements are set up to provide access to the kids every-other-year. Don’t make your kids feel sad about you being alone. Instead, make sure they know you want them to have a great time, no matter who they are with.
Don’t try to ‘win’ the holidays by giving the biggest, best or most gifts. The holidays are about a lot more than presents.
Make sure that you communicate with your kids’ other parent to make sure that timing for when kids are where and times for drop off or pick up are worked out You don’t need to discuss any other issues during the holidays. Leave it for another time.
Consider celebrating together if you can do so without stress. At the very least, it’s a great idea to take your child shopping for a gift for their other parent or to help them make a homemade gift for them. Doing so sends a powerful message that your child will appreciate.
Instead of grieving what you’ve lost, start building new traditions with your children that you can carry forward into the future.

Having the help of a compassionate, experienced attorney can help minimize the stress of divorce. Contact us today to learn more or set up an appointment.

Things to Consider Doing Before Opting for Divorce

So, you’re thinking about divorcing your spouse. It’s not uncommon, and it’s not unrealistic, and it may not even be unjustified. But before you go ahead and start down the legal road or announce your intentions to end your marriage, stop for a minute and make sure that this is what you really want to do. Divorce is just as big a decision as marriage is, and it deserves the same amount of consideration. If you just look back at the time you spent anticipating a proposal, planning a wedding and all the rest of the details involved in joining your lives together, you should understand that there are things worth stopping and considering before making the decision to end your marriage. Here are some of the most important:

Have you effectively communicated your concerns/dissatisfaction with the relationship? The problems may be obvious to you, but if you haven’t made them clear to your spouse then you haven’t given them the chance to work with you to fix things.
Are you sure that you both have the same expectations of your roles in your marriage? If you haven’t discussed this and your unmet expectations are part of why you want to leave, then you really haven’t given the relationship – or your partner – a chance to make things right.
Would counseling help? Sometimes the partner who takes action to end the marriage does so because they just assume that there is no hope, when in truth marriage counseling can be very effective. Given the chance to save the marriage, isn’t it worth it for you to at least try?
Are you sure that you’d be happier divorced? Sometimes people who are dissatisfied in their marriage imagine that life outside of marriage will be significantly better. In fact, being divorced can be a lonely place. Even if your needs aren’t being fully met, it is smart to consider what your life without your spouse will be like realistically before making the jump to divorce.
If you have children, how will the divorce affect them? This is a very important question. If your marriage is so unhappy that it is affecting your kids then divorce may be the right answer. On the other hand, if your children are dependent on both of you getting along, you need to think ahead and work together as co-parents in order to make sure that your kids get through the process as well as possible.

These are just a few of the important points that you need to think about before diving into a divorce. If you are certain that your marriage is irrevocably broken and you need help navigating the legal process, contact our office today to set up an appointment to discuss your situation.

Signs that You Should Consider a Divorce

All couples become frustrated with one another — and even livid with one another — and when that happens it’s not unusual to let the thought of splitting up creep into your consciousness. These thoughts are generally fleeting and dismissed just as quickly. But if you’ve been finding yourself thinking this more and more frequently and have been holding on to the idea, tossing the pros and cons of divorce in your head, it may be time for you to take action.

Beyond the occasional fantasy of life without your spouse, there are a few signs that are indications that the marriage is coming to an end and it’s time to move on. Here are just a few:

You either never fight or you fight to the death:

When couples choose silence and just letting things go because it is pointless to argue, that is not a good sign. Arguing — when it’s done the right way — is healthy and productive. It is a way to make your voice heard and to reach a resolution to the issue at hand, and possibly to those that are underlying the original argument. If, however, you argue all the time and you’re both more interested in being right or in control then in being happy, then it’s a sign that things have gone downhill and may be beyond redemption.

You’re purposely pushing your spouse:

We all know what buttons to push to provoke our spouses. Are you purposely pushing those buttons on a constant basis? If so, it may be because you’re afraid to be the first to say it’s time to end the relationship and you’re trying to force them to do it.

You are constantly stressed when you’re with your spouse:

If your blood pressure is rising and you clench your teeth every time you’re in the same space as your spouse, it’s a sure sign that something is desperately wrong with the relationship.

You feel like you’re always acting:

If you are in the habit of putting on a different persona when you’re with your spouse instead of letting your true colors show, that is an unhealthy relationship and your routine is not sustainable.

You’re seeking company elsewhere:

When marriages are nearing their end, one or both spouses are often lonely. You may be turning to friends, to social media, or to strangers for companionship and support. If you find yourself sharing secrets and seeking guidance from somebody other than your spouse, then there’s a good chance the partnership is over.

Knowing that the relationship is over is just the beginning. If you are considering divorce, you need a plan, an exit strategy, and guidance from somebody who knows the laws and your rights. For more information, contact us today to set up an appointment to discuss your situation.

How to Make a Divorce Easier on Your Children

Depending upon your situation, your divorce can represent a significant sense of loss and grief or it can signal the start of something better and a chance at happiness. No matter its impact on you and your spouse, it’s essential that you use special care if you have children who will be affected. Depending upon their ages and your situation, your children may not understand what is happening. For older children who have watched the marriage deteriorate, your divorce may come as a relief. But kids who have been unaware of things breaking down may react very poorly to the idea of your split. Most kids survive divorce just fine and are fully adjusted within two years of the marriage’s breakup, but others have a harder time. This usually happens when the parents involve them in antagonism or blame or leave them uninformed rather than carefully helping them understand what’s happening. Here are some tips to help you make your divorce easier on your children.

The higher the degree of conflict between you and your ex, the more of a challenge your kids will have. If you’re going to fight, don’t do it in front of the children and don’t make them responsible for your communication. You’re the adults, so act like it.
Work together to come up with a way to tell your kids about the divorce. Sit them down when both of you are there so that the kids see that the message is coming from both of you and that you’re both still their parents, even if you aren’t going to be married to each other anymore.
Make sure that your kids know that the divorce is not their fault. You don’t need to go into details, just let them know that it’s between the two of you and that you both love them and will be there for them.
Give them time to process. Start doing things with them separately and let them know about a move or one of you moving out well beforehand. If they are going to have a new room in a new location, let them help decorate it so that they feel some ownership and a sense of personal space.
If the kids are having trouble — and even if they seem fine — get them to a family therapist so that they can speak to a neutral third party about their fears and feelings.

Your divorce is not a contest or your children’s affection. They need both of you and will do better if they stay in close contact with each of you, so unless there is some danger in letting your child be with your spouse, don’t try to keep your kids from your ex.

If you need assistance with any part of your divorce, we can help. Contact our compassionate attorneys today to set up an appointment.

What is a Contested Divorce?

In the state of Pennsylvania, there are several different types of divorce. The easiest and most straightforward is mutual no-fault divorce, in which neither side contests the divorce. There is fault divorce, where one spouse has to prove that the marriage is over as a result of some kind of wrongdoing by their spouse, and the state will grant a divorce to a person whose spouse has already been confined to a mental institution for 18 months and will be for another 18 months. Additionally, the state has rules for a contested divorce, which is also known as a unilateral no-fault divorce. In this type of divorce, one spouse refuses to comply with the divorce process. This means that they won’t sign the divorce papers that the other spouse has served them with.

Contested divorces make an already difficult situation even harder. There are many reasons why a spouse may refuse to sign divorce papers. They may be angry or may be concerned about their economic stability without the support of their marriage. They may simply be unwilling to admit that their marriage is over. Whatever the reason, there was once a time when a spouse seeking a divorce who faced this lack of compliance would have to wait three years for their divorce to become official without their spouse’s consent. That was shortened in 1988 to two years and was recently shortened again to just one year.

If your spouse opts to contest your divorce, you need to wait a period of at least one year during which time you must be officially separated. That official separation requires you to file a statement verifying the date of separation. Your spouse then has forty days in which they can respond to that statement, and their response can deny that the one-year separation took place, or that the marriage is irretrievably broken. If this occurs, the court will make a ruling after hearing from both sides. If your spouse does nothing within forty days of your separation claim, the court will grant the divorce after receiving all other appropriate paperwork.

Navigating a contested divorce is extremely frustrating for the spouse that wants to move on with their life. For assistance and guidance, contact our office today to set up a consultation with one of our experienced divorce attorneys.

What Happens to Shared Debt When You Get a Divorce?

Shared debt for things like your mortgage, a car loan, and even credit card bills is a given during marriage but dividing that debt in a divorce can be remarkably challenging. Shared debt in a divorce is usually split in the same way that assets are — with an eye to divide them fairly between the two, giving consideration to each party’s economic standing.

If this division is not pursued properly and with an eye to protecting both partners, the surrounding issues can follow you long after the marriage has been dissolved. This is because debt doesn’t involve just the two of you; there’s a third party (or parties) who want their money, and they don’t really care which one of you is supposed to pay them. They just want you to pay them. If you and your spouse haven’t paid off or legally resolved each shared debt before your divorce, you run the risk of your ex defaulting on their share in the future, and responsibility for the entire thing falling on you. To avoid this regrettable (and maddening) outcome, the best thing you can do is to either pay off all debts before your divorce is final or take whatever legal action is necessary or possible in order to have the debt put into just one of your names.

Some divorcing couples will be able to trust one another and agree that one of them will pay the mortgage debt and the other will pay for a car loan. But consider carefully before assuming that type of responsibility. If your ex-spouse doesn’t make a promised payment on the debt that they’ve agreed to, your name is still on the contract. Not only will the bank come after you to pay the entire amount in arrears (and penalties and interest), but your credit rating will also be affected. And if your ex files for bankruptcy after you’ve split because they can’t pay their share of a loan, they can have their entire responsibility waived, leaving you legally and financially on the hook.

The best thing to do in situations where there is shared debt is to either pay the debt off completely or to take legal action wherever possible to change the debtor name on all loans. Credit cards should be canceled, and debt transferred into one or the other spouse’s name, and if you can’t get the lending company to agree to the shift in names, then simply sell the asset and start over. It may sound drastic but doing so now will protect you in the long run.

If you’re considering a divorce, our team is here to help. Contact our offices today!

Does Divorce Mediation Ever Work?

Whether you’re the child of divorce yourself or have learned everything you know about splitting up from movies, television, and celebrity headlines, there’s a good chance that you think of the process as acrimonious, nasty, and expensive. That is often the case, and it is why divorce mediation has become increasingly popular.

Divorce mediation represents a significant shift from the classic divorce scenario in which two attorneys go head-to-head, fighting over spousal support, equitable distribution, and child support and custody. It places a single mediator between both partners, helping them to reach an agreement in each aspect of the dissolution of their marriage in a faster and less costly method. It all sounds good, but if you’re in the midst of a divorce, you may be wondering whether divorce mediation can actually work.

The simple answer is yes. Though there are certain scenarios in which mediation is not advisable – most notably in situations involving domestic abuse, situations when a spouse has hidden assets or where one or both partners struggle with mental health or addiction issues — beyond those types of dynamics the approach can offer real benefits. Most people who go through mediation find it is both less costly and less stressful, and this is of particular value when there are children involved. The process also takes far less time than having to deal with scheduling court dates, and in many cases can be wrapped up in less than ten sessions.

Those who doubt that divorce mediation can be successful need to understand more about the process. Here are some of the most important points:

A mediator will help keep the temperature down in conversations with your soon-to-be-ex. They keep things focused and know how to steer both sides away from points of contention, working to find a middle ground.
The American Bar Association encourages the use of divorce mediation and has created Model Standards of Practice to guide divorce mediation practitioners. Good mediators generally have graduate degrees in either the law or in a mental health field, as well as a significant amount of training.
Divorce mediators do not attempt to force a couple to reconcile. They are not marriage counselors. They are there to help you find a fair solution to the various elements of divorce.
Divorce mediation generally results in the same financial outcome as litigation, as the process involves the same assessment of the couple’s financial dynamics.
Resolving issues of child support and custody in a more peaceful setting is better for your children and avoids putting their fate into the hands of strangers.

If you are embarking on a divorce and you would like to avoid having it turn into a highly contentious situation, then divorce mediation may be your best answer. For more information, contact our office to set up a convenient time for a consultation.

What is a No-Fault Divorce?

Divorce represents the irreparable breakdown of a marriage. Though each partner is likely to blame each other for the marriage falling apart, in most cases they also both agree that the time has come – or at least that they want to find the easiest route to freeing themselves of the legal process. Fortunately, both the state of Pennsylvania and the state of New Jersey offer the opportunity to file for a “no-fault” divorce. This process permits both spouses to consent to the fact that their union is irretrievably broken and avoids the process of assessing blame within the court system.

A no-fault divorce is also referred to as a mutual consent divorce. It shortens the process considerably, allowing couples to get through all of the paperwork and various steps that are involved in as little as three to four months. This is not only easier than the standard process: it also ends up saving both sides a significant amount of money in legal fees. If you and your spouse are both amenable to getting divorced, you can avoid a process that typically takes at least two years.

When both you and your spouse agree to a no-fault divorce, the issues that need to be resolved, including child custody and support, can be addressed at any time, but equitable distribution and alimony (if applicable) have to be resolved prior to filing the papers. Once you’ve agreed on spousal support and the disposition of your property, you can file divorce papers with the court. Ninety days later, both of you will sign an affidavit confirming that you each agree that your marriage is irretrievably broken and that you both agree to the divorce. Upon receipt of these signed documents, the court will make your divorce legal.

Though some people believe that a mutual consent/no-fault divorce is something that they can do on their own, this is generally only the case in the simplest situations, where there is no issue of child custody or child support to be determined and the couple is in complete agreement about the disposition of assets. Even under these straightforward situations, the paperwork can be confusing and the process, time-consuming. If you are considering a no-fault divorce and would like assistance with the process, or if issues about property division or child custody are in any way under dispute, an attorney will likely be needed to help with calculations and negotiation. Call our office to speak to a compassionate, experienced attorney who can help you understand the process and protect your rights.

Best Ways for Senior Citizens to Handle a Divorce

Grey Divorce

In the past when you’ve mentioned your anniversary, friends have congratulated you on the longevity of your marriage, but just because your union has lasted a long time does not necessarily mean that it has been happy or that you are still satisfied within its confines. What’s more, if you’re a senior citizen and you’ve found yourself thinking about divorce, you are far from alone.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, for every 1,000 married people who are 50 or older, 10 are divorced, and the Pew Research Center says that among those 65 and older, the divorce rate has tripled in the last thirty years.

Still, the fact that senior divorce has become more commonplace doesn’t mean that it is any easier. If you are facing a gray divorce — which is the term being used for divorce between senior citizens — there are a few things that you should keep in mind.

The most important thing for you to remember is that at your stage of life, you are well past many of the most emotional issues that couples confront when they are dissolving their marriage. Child support and custody are likely issues that do not need to be addressed, and therefore the most emotionally fraught topics will surround financial issues. As a result, and because Pennsylvania’s laws are fairly straightforward when it comes to equitable distribution, many seniors are taking a more collaborative approach to their divorce. There are many advantages to doing this, including lower costs, less waiting time or frustration with the bureaucratic red tape of going through the court system, and it is generally a lot easier on the family that the two of you have built over the years.

Agreeing to mediation or negotiation rather than the court system or an adversarial process generally allows both partners to achieve their individual goals and walk away in the best possible economic condition without the battle scars that are often left by divorces that become battlefields. The process costs significantly less, which preserves more assets for the couples to hold on to for themselves.

If you would like to speak to an attorney about the options available for a more collaborative, negotiated process, we are here to help. Contact us today to learn more about our compassionate approach to gray divorce.

How to Achieve an Amicable Divorce

Divorcing Amicably

Have you ever been at a party and met two people talking so comfortably and warmly with each other that you assume that they’re a couple, only to find out that they are ex-spouses?

It happens more often than you think. Though most people think of divorce as a highly adversarial process, it doesn’t have to be, but an amicable divorce is something that you both need to agree on.

Though in the first weeks or months of a divorce it may seem like there are a lot of good reasons to be angry and to fight over every detail, the truth is that an adversarial divorce is toxic. It drains you of physical and emotional energy, and if you have children it can be damaging and painful for them. A divorce that involves animosity also ends up being a lot more expensive, as making everything a battle only enriches divorce attorneys.

If an amicable divorce makes more sense to you, you need to be mindful about it. You need to make the decision that you’re going to be reasonable and not let emotions get the best of you, and your soon-to-be-ex needs to be onboard too. Here are a few tips for how to achieve your goal.

Agree to mediation instead of litigation. By negotiating, you and your spouse can work collaboratively and cooperatively to come up with the answers that work best for you. The court process invites argument and taking sides.
Learn how divorce works and what kind of decisions you are going to have to make. Understanding the rules regarding distribution of assets and the state’s goals for child custody and support will go a long way towards stopping fights before they start.
Rely on your support group for support, but not for advice. Often the people who love you the most will see your divorce as a battle that needs to be won and your spouse as a foe who needs to be vanquished. Unless they can get on board with your goal of keeping things friendly and fair, you need to ask them to stop providing undermining unsolicited advice.
Choose an attorney who is interested in making things work rather than in “winning.” When you’re fighting, everybody loses. If you choose an attorney who understands that your goal is parity and the least destructive path possible, things will go more smoothly.

At Reinherz Law, we believe that an amicable divorce makes a lot of sense and provides a means for everybody to move forward in a healthy way. To learn more about our process, contact us today to set up an appointment.