Divorcing Amicably

Have you ever been at a party and met two people talking so comfortably and warmly with each other that you assume that they’re a couple, only to find out that they are ex-spouses?

It happens more often than you think.  Though most people think of divorce as a highly adversarial process, it doesn’t have to be, but an amicable divorce is something that you both need to agree on.

Though in the first weeks or months of a divorce it may seem like there are a lot of good reasons to be angry and to fight over every detail, the truth is that an adversarial divorce is toxic. It drains you of physical and emotional energy, and if you have children it can be damaging and painful for them. A divorce that involves animosity also ends up being a lot more expensive, as making everything a battle only enriches divorce attorneys.

If an amicable divorce makes more sense to you, you need to be mindful about it. You need to make the decision that you’re going to be reasonable and not let emotions get the best of you, and your soon-to-be-ex needs to be onboard too. Here are a few tips for how to achieve your goal.

• Agree to mediation instead of litigation. By negotiating, you and your spouse can work collaboratively and cooperatively to come up with the answers that work best for you. The court process invites argument and taking sides.
• Learn how divorce works and what kind of decisions you are going to have to make. Understanding the rules regarding distribution of assets and the state’s goals for child custody and support will go a long way towards stopping fights before they start.
• Rely on your support group for support, but not for advice. Often the people who love you the most will see your divorce as a battle that needs to be won and your spouse as a foe who needs to be vanquished. Unless they can get on board with your goal of keeping things friendly and fair, you need to ask them to stop providing undermining unsolicited advice.
• Choose an attorney who is interested in making things work rather than in “winning.” When you’re fighting, everybody loses. If you choose an attorney who understands that your goal is parity and the least destructive path possible, things will go more smoothly.

At Reinherz Law, we believe that an amicable divorce makes a lot of sense and provides a means for everybody to move forward in a healthy way. To learn more about our process, contact us today to set up an appointment.