When you get married, you see nothing but possibilities. But when your marriage falls apart and you start considering divorce, the idea of having an amicable relationship with your spouse probably feels like an impossibility.

Keeping an open line of communications and minimizing animosity is not only doable – it is also important, especially if you have children together. To limit the nastiness and keep things amicable going forward, here are five important tips:

• Think beyond yourself – It is easy when you are divorcing to only think about how your split will impact you. The economic, emotional and logistical issues can be maddening, and can easily inflame anger. But if you think beyond yourself to the others who are impacted by your marriage’s collapse – especially your children – you give yourself the opportunity to set aside your hurt feelings and outrage and try to act in the best interests of everybody involved.
• Make sure that you have the emotional support you need – Getting a divorce can lead to intense loneliness, and that in turn leads to even more resentment towards your ex. It is important to have a strong circle of family and friends who let you know that you are loved and supported and that doesn’t criticize you. It is even better if they don’t criticize your spouse either. The more people try to work towards being accepting of both of you and not taking sides, the more positive your future interactions can be.
• Figure out what you can agree on between the two of you – Though it is important to work with legal guidance, it is also both a money saver and a relationship saver to determine what you can agree on between the two of you, without intervention.
• Keep your eyes on the horizon – If you are focusing on all of the little things that need to be resolved, then you end up fighting battle after battle. If you make it your long-term goal to get things resolved and move ahead to a place where you can have a different – and respectful – relationship with your ex, you will be a lot less likely to engage in bickering that can derail your best intentions. Pick your battles and be willing to acknowledge that the only reason you’re fighting over small items is because you feel a need to win a battle.
• Hold your tongue – There is no doubt that you are a lot less likely to get nasty when you let your mouth do your talking than when you put your thoughts to paper – or computer, as the case may be. If you compose what you want to say in writing and then walk away from it for a few minutes before sending it – then come back and re-read it – you are more likely to take some of the heat out of it and edit out the inflammatory comments that can lead to anger.

If you’re considering divorce the attorneys at Reinherz are here to help, contact our team today!