Holidays are traditionally viewed as family time, but for those who have gone through a divorce or separation, they are frequently seen as a time to do battle. Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hanukkah, all become something to fight for, and parents often spend so much time and emotional energy trying to keep the event on their side of the custody win column that they lose sight of the joy of the celebration itself. With a little planning and flexibility, divorced or separated parents can void this stress for themselves and for their children. Here are some pointers on how to do it.

• Alternate the holiday celebrations throughout the year so that each parent has an equal number of holidays spent with the child, and then reverse the schedule on alternating years. In other words, one parent would have Memorial Day weekend, the other would have July 4^th holiday and then switch back for Labor Day, and the following year the rotation would switch.
• Birthdays can be either shared, with one parent having the first half of the day and the other the latter half, or whoever has custody that day would maintain that custody, but the child would spend a certain number of hours during the day with the other parent. Parties should be coordinated with both parents present if possible.
• Holidays can also be split in half in the same way as birthdays, with one parent having the morning hours and the other having the evening hours. This allows the child to spent time during each holiday with both parents and their extended families.
• If possible, spend the holidays together. This is clearly a “best-case scenario” that may be better discussed after parents have gone through a post-divorce cooling off period but is frequently most enjoyable for the children.

Whichever option you choose, it’s essential that you don’t wait until the last minute to make plans for the holidays. Having a clear answer as to where the children will be and who they will be with not only avoids stress for you, but also for the children – and making sure that their holiday celebrations are happy should be the priority for both of you.

If you are going through a divorce and need assistance negotiating the details of shared custody or any other issue, we can help. Contact us today to set up a time for us to chat.