certificate of divorceEvery divorce is different. Some couples simply recognize their incompatibility and part company on pleasant terms, while others carry so much anger that their antagonism towards each other gets in the way of what they most want – to be rid of each other. When couples are operating in an emotional, hostile state, reasonable communication is usually the first thing to break down, and that can lead to one of two outcomes. Either:

 

  • They end up doing all of their communicating through their attorneys, which quickly leads to enormous legal fees for both of them, or
  • They speak to each other in such damaging terms that they end up sabotaging any progress that has been made – thus the process takes longer, and they end up with enormous legal fees.

 

Even if your fondest wish is that you never have to speak with your soon-to-be-ex again, there’s a lot to be gained from trying to keep your communication with each other civil. The more clearly and calmly you’re able to speak with one another, the less intervention is needed from attorneys and the faster the whole process can be over.

 

To that end, here are some simple tips for avoiding unnecessary communication minefields:

 

  • Whenever possible, try to communicate directly. Calls or letters from your lawyer can be viewed as threatening, and messages delivered through third parties like family members or friends can easily get lost in the translation.
  • If there are children involved, set boundaries that will allow you to talk about their needs without emotion entering the picture. As parents, you need to work together to make sure that their best interests are being served.
  • When you’re angry, avoid conversation. If you find yourself arguing, find a calm way to remove yourself and return to the conversation with a plan.
  • Don’t let yourself rise to the bait. There’s no reason to respond to every text or email or to leap to answer the phone call. Give yourself a break. Set limits on how many times you will speak with them in a day, and what hours you’re available.
  • Make notes about what you want to accomplish before beginning any conversation.
  • Avoid trying to win points in the conversation.

 

The more calmly and effectively you’re able to communicate with your spouse, the more you’ll accomplish and the faster you’ll get through the process. If you need assistance or to speak with one of our attorneys about our divorce services, contact our office to set up an appointment.

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