Though few of us actually hear birds sing or bells chime when we first meet our spouses, we do enter our marriage with high hopes for happily ever after. When it doesn’t work out that way and you end in divorce, it is easy to allow anger, grief, disappointment and betrayal to lead the way. Unfortunately, in the case of getting through the divorce process, giving in to what is easy is not the path of least resistance — in fact, it is the most destructive, time-consuming, energy-sapping thing you can do.

So how do you avoid it?

First, take a deep breath. As deeply personal as your divorce feels and as unique as your situation may seem, it is unlikely that what you’re going through is significantly different from what the courts have heard before. You may picture telling your side of the story to a judge who nods sympathetically, but that’s unlikely to happen. Blame has a remarkably small role in the legal process of divorce, and in the long run that is really what you need to make your way through. The rest is largely emotion, and though it doesn’t feel like it right now, the sooner you can stop fighting and get through the paperwork, the sooner you can move on with the rest of your life. With all that in mind, here are some tips for keeping your divorce civil.

• Learn what really happens in a divorce. What you see in movies, television shows and soap operas has nothing to do with reality, and the truth is most of what you hear from friends doesn’t either. Divorce is a dissolution of a contract and there are certain steps you have to go through, with specific rules, formulas and order. The more you know, the less objectionable and unfair things will seem and the more in control you will feel.
• Taking care of yourself is seriously important. That means eating right, getting enough sleep, and finding something to think about that is not your divorce. Obsessing will not get you anywhere but unhappy and angry. The more you remember who you were before your marriage (and divorce) and can get back in touch with that person, the better you will manage this process.
• Get professional help – both legal and emotional. You need an experienced attorney, and you also need a therapist who can help you make sense of all the feelings that are overwhelming you. Your friends are great, and there’s no doubt that they want to be there for you. But they may not have all the tools that you need.
• Remind yourself that this is temporary. No matter how bad things feel right now, the acute stage of divorce does not last forever, and you will have a different life on the other side. The fact that you don’t know what it will be does not mean that it won’t be better. Focus on the future instead of on the pain and anger that you’re feeling now.
• Don’t let anybody pressure you into agreeing to something you don’t want. Though you may want the divorce process to be over, it can be a mistake to make a decision just because it will bring things to a quick end. This is where your attorney will be your greatest asset, as they will make sure you know your rights and are treated fairly.

If you have questions about divorce, contact our experienced attorneys today.